i need you now, more than ever.

The Foods I need to eat

It takes a lot for me to admit when I need help. But here I am telling you that my life has slowly but surely spun out of control. I can’t seem to get a grip on things. I am reckless. All I do is work, sleep, work, go to corby’s, work, work, work, sleep. Something that used to give me so much happiness has really been taking a toll on me. It’s not the actual job that has been getting me down, its the lack of consistency. I am up and down, up and down with my hours. I have worked 4 different shifts in one week. It is hard to get your body used to the different times. You all know I have been on a journey to losing weight and becoming a healthier person since January 2010. And I have had success in that. I started at 245. My lowest recorded weight was 181. I am now 196. I have gained 15 pounds since January. That is stressing me out more than ever. I am honestly freaking out. It is an obsession I think about it all of the time, yet I can’t seem to do anything about fixing it. What the fuck is my problem!? I need to get a grip on this. I need to get a grip on my life. I NEED CONSISTENCY or I am going to be stressing out about this for a long time to come. I am not happy. And I know I am not going to see a change anytime soon. All I am asking for is a little bit of a routine schedule, just so I can get my life back together and get back on track to eating healthy and getting my fitness level up again. I hope that the soon to be changing of the seasons will help brighten my mood. My life is out of control and I am just calling out for some help from my closest friends. You all know me better than anyone else. You know how I function what I need to do to feel better. I NEED ACCOUNTABILITY. I NEED STABILITY. I NEED CONTROL. I NEED MOTIVATORS. I NEED SACRIFICE. I NEED YOU. Jeff, Brooke, Beth, Melissa, Britney, you all know me well, I am just calling out for some help at the most desperate time in my life. I love you all.

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~ by freespiritcat on February 24, 2010.

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