Hey Kid, Don’t Turn The Channel Just Yet…

Have you ever wondered why you can’t let things go even when you are completely ready to give these things up. When you know they are not good for you they just leave you feeling empty and alone for the most part. It’s those rare occasions when these things leave you feeling so intoxicated, so alive, so free that you are willing to get treated like crap for just that moment of feeling so perfect. I am not saying it’s always like that, I am just saying that is how it has been for the past year and a half. It is clear to me now more than ever that we just do not know each other anymore. We’re not friends. We don’t talk. So when I am completely ready to to throw in the towel on this thing, stuff starts to happen. I see somewhere wearing a Format shirt, I go to a bar and I hear Shake That Monkey, a song that I never hear when I go out, EVER. I meet someone with your name, a little kid drops a stuffed giraffe at my feet. It’s like God is throwing these signals out saying “Hey Kid, don’t turn the channel just yet..” Why the FUCK not. Maybe I am reading way too far into this. I just miss our highs. I realize we’ll never be where were were before. It would be impossible to try. But I miss not knowing someone who knew me better than my jeans know the shape of my body. I miss knowing you. I miss you knowing me. But here I am channel turned on to the station with static and snow. Sitting there, staring at it in a trance ready to jump at the first sign of a picture, a change. I could be here for years. That is not how I want to live my life; waiting. I am far too good for that. I am ready to watch something that I can make some sense of. God, stop being a sadistic jerk, stop sending me signs. I don’t need them, I don’t want them. I want to be okay with how things are right now. But I have a feeling, I never will be. I miss you. I really fucking miss knowing my best friend. Life is a gem.

Advertisements

~ by freespiritcat on March 14, 2010.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: