oh, things are gonna happen naturally..

natural.

hap·pi·ness – \ˈha-pē-nəs\ – n. – a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.

Sometimes, we all get so caught up in being happy or finding “the one” that we try to force things to happen rather than letting everything fall where it may.  Everyone in society today is so used to instant gratification. We want things and we want things NOW. Whether it be a job, a car, a new puppy, health care, marriage or kids, when we want it, we want it to happen quickly. Think about it – when you were little and you went to the store with your parents and saw that candy bar or that toy, you wanted it and you wanted it right then and there. Most of the time your parents got it for you. Instant gratification. We carried that need to be fulfilled instantaneously with us today, mostly in relationships.

Falling in love. It’s a beautiful thing. It can make you feel on top of the world. Like you can achieve anything. You’re invincible. You are so high off of the ground nothing can touch you. You’re excited, energized, radiant. You can’t think, you find yourself short of breath when they’re next to you, you still get butterflies when they enter the room. You’re in love. It’s the best feeling that anyone can feel. What happens when it’s taken away? You wallow in your sorrows for a few days, weeks, months or what have you but then, once you’re over it,  you want it back and you want it back NOW. So we try to force it to happen. We start looking for a person that can make us feel alive and on top of the world again. We search and search and search and find nothing. Finally, we found someone. Someone you get along with for the moment, but not necessarily someone that is compatible with you or someone that is even that great. You date them and try to force something more than what it is. It is human habit. We find the first available attractive person we can and try to force a relationship and a future because it is better than being lonely. You can not force things. I believe that all things happen naturally and all things happen for a reason. God knows what His plans are for you. He is going to let nature run its course. Forcing things to happen only make things 10 times worse about any situation. It can make you look and feel desperate, lonely and even slightly insane, especially to the person that you are trying to force a long term relationship with.

I know this blog probably makes no sense because I am just rambling on with all of these thoughts running through my head. But what I am trying to say is we get so caught up in looking for “the one” that we lose focus on things that are right in front of us. Stop looking and start living. While you are busy looking for that special someone, that someone you want to wake up to every morning, you are missing what is right in front of you, your life. The person you are looking for could already be in your life and you just missed them because you were too busy looking for someone else. Or the person you are looking for you could have yet to meet. You could meet them in an hour, a day, a week, a year, point is you WILL meet them, if you haven’t already. And it will happen when you least expect it. Once you realize that they are there and in your life, it will knock you off of your feet and you’ll know, that’s God’s sign telling you “This is the one that I have sent for you.”

Stop looking and start living. Don’t miss out on opportunities of a lifetime because you’re too worried about finding someone to share these opportunities with. Nature is a beautiful thing and it will never let you down. Be thankful for all that you have in your life and don’t regret the things that you have lost. Be open to love, it’s all around you. Life your life free and full of passion and most importantly life your life for you. When you do that, you’ll find the one you’ve always been looking for,  chances are they’ve already been put into your life, randomly, and you just haven’t realized the beauty yet.

It’s been awhile.

Wow, been a really long time since I have written a blog.  There are so many things I want to write about, so I am going to list them here so I don’t forget what they are! Sometimes, I have so many thoughts running through my head that my mind can’t react or catch up fast enough to remember everything. Insane? Probably, but I would rather think too much than not at all.

Anyways, first blog, doing weightloss for yourself rather than other people. Second blog – not sweating the small stuff. Third blog – Just letting things happen naturally, not forcing things. Let God do the work. Not sure in what order, but those are the 3 main ones.

this blog is kind of pointless, but i just wanted to make sure that I put the topics down somewhere to remember them!

🙂 ❤

Hey Kid, Don’t Turn The Channel Just Yet…

Have you ever wondered why you can’t let things go even when you are completely ready to give these things up. When you know they are not good for you they just leave you feeling empty and alone for the most part. It’s those rare occasions when these things leave you feeling so intoxicated, so alive, so free that you are willing to get treated like crap for just that moment of feeling so perfect. I am not saying it’s always like that, I am just saying that is how it has been for the past year and a half. It is clear to me now more than ever that we just do not know each other anymore. We’re not friends. We don’t talk. So when I am completely ready to to throw in the towel on this thing, stuff starts to happen. I see somewhere wearing a Format shirt, I go to a bar and I hear Shake That Monkey, a song that I never hear when I go out, EVER. I meet someone with your name, a little kid drops a stuffed giraffe at my feet. It’s like God is throwing these signals out saying “Hey Kid, don’t turn the channel just yet..” Why the FUCK not. Maybe I am reading way too far into this. I just miss our highs. I realize we’ll never be where were were before. It would be impossible to try. But I miss not knowing someone who knew me better than my jeans know the shape of my body. I miss knowing you. I miss you knowing me. But here I am channel turned on to the station with static and snow. Sitting there, staring at it in a trance ready to jump at the first sign of a picture, a change. I could be here for years. That is not how I want to live my life; waiting. I am far too good for that. I am ready to watch something that I can make some sense of. God, stop being a sadistic jerk, stop sending me signs. I don’t need them, I don’t want them. I want to be okay with how things are right now. But I have a feeling, I never will be. I miss you. I really fucking miss knowing my best friend. Life is a gem.

i need you now, more than ever.

The Foods I need to eat

It takes a lot for me to admit when I need help. But here I am telling you that my life has slowly but surely spun out of control. I can’t seem to get a grip on things. I am reckless. All I do is work, sleep, work, go to corby’s, work, work, work, sleep. Something that used to give me so much happiness has really been taking a toll on me. It’s not the actual job that has been getting me down, its the lack of consistency. I am up and down, up and down with my hours. I have worked 4 different shifts in one week. It is hard to get your body used to the different times. You all know I have been on a journey to losing weight and becoming a healthier person since January 2010. And I have had success in that. I started at 245. My lowest recorded weight was 181. I am now 196. I have gained 15 pounds since January. That is stressing me out more than ever. I am honestly freaking out. It is an obsession I think about it all of the time, yet I can’t seem to do anything about fixing it. What the fuck is my problem!? I need to get a grip on this. I need to get a grip on my life. I NEED CONSISTENCY or I am going to be stressing out about this for a long time to come. I am not happy. And I know I am not going to see a change anytime soon. All I am asking for is a little bit of a routine schedule, just so I can get my life back together and get back on track to eating healthy and getting my fitness level up again. I hope that the soon to be changing of the seasons will help brighten my mood. My life is out of control and I am just calling out for some help from my closest friends. You all know me better than anyone else. You know how I function what I need to do to feel better. I NEED ACCOUNTABILITY. I NEED STABILITY. I NEED CONTROL. I NEED MOTIVATORS. I NEED SACRIFICE. I NEED YOU. Jeff, Brooke, Beth, Melissa, Britney, you all know me well, I am just calling out for some help at the most desperate time in my life. I love you all.

the blonde type

Jeff's Heaven.

Okay. So through the years, I have gotten a reputation for being a blonde hater. This is not true. I know many blondes that I think are smart, wonderful people. I do not hate blondes. But there is a certain blonde type that I HATE. Example. These blondes are walking dogs, I will bet you money that half of them do not know what PETA or ASPCA stand for. The blonde type I hate: Fake boobs, black roots for days / fried hair, orange skin, caked on make up, daddys black card, no common sense. If you look like a blonde bimbo with no smarts fake tits and carrying a designer bag with a rat dog peaking out of it, i am going to find you annoying and disgusting. Allow me to elaborate on each of the things that make up the blonde type i hate. Fake boobs. Why the heck do you want a size DD chest when you have a size 2 waist? You just look absurd. NOT NATURAL. Black roots for days and fried hair. Okay, STOP dying your hair. When you can see roots its not pretty. Stop putting more and more blonde dye in your hair it is just frying your hair making it look dry and damaged like you just stuck a wet finger in a light socket. We get it, you want to be blonde, quit dying your hair every shade of blonde to make it whiter and whiter. You just look UNNATURAL. Orange Skin. Can we say tanning beds / spray on tans / too much sun / combo of all three. You are going to look like you’re 50 years old when you’re 30 if you keep it up, leather skin. It isn’t pretty to have skin so tan it looks like you’re dirty. A light color is nice, but when you’re blonde being that tan looks SO FAKE. Caked on Makeup. I am so sick of seeing caked on foundation, shimmer bronzer, raccoon eyeliner and mascara so thick it looks like a spider. Okay, so you have bad skin, STOP covering it up with make up, it just makes it look worse. Try a cleanser and wearing some sun screen when you go out you will notice a vast improvement in your skins health. Then you won’t have to wear so much damn make up. Daddy’s black card. You know I am all for successful people I think it is a great thing to want to provide for your family, but I also think it is something that working hard is something that you should instill in your children. I can not stand when I hear a girl say, oh its okay daddy will buy it. I don’t have to work, daddy pays for it. What the hell. It is so annoying. What a thing to brag about, being a worthless girl with no work experience. that makes you extremely marketable. I work hard for everything I get. It is one thing if daddy pays for things and you understand the value of money and the importance of work. but when you just milk your parents for it all, its another thing. We won’t even get into the no common sense thing because TOO many people today have / act like they have no common sense. ITS NOT CUTE. NO ONE THINKS ITS CUTE TO BE DUMB. ITS ANNOYING AS SHIT. Now, this type isn’t just blondes, there are brunettes who can act this way and have all of these things I just mentioned. But I just think Brunettes are way more attractive than blondes.

“You Date the Blondes, but you Marry the Brunettes.”

It’s Okay You Don’t Have to Pay, I’ve Got All the Change

Majestic.

Good morning, son.
I am a bird
Wearing a brown polyester shirt
You want a coke?
Maybe some fries?
The roast beef combo’s only $9.95
It’s okay, you don’t have to pay
I’ve got all the change
Everybody knows
It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It’s so weird to be back here
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We’re still fighting it, we’re still fighting it
And you’re so much like me
I’m sorry
Good morning, son
In twenty years from now
Maybe we’ll both sit down and have a few beers
And I can tell you ’bout today
And how I picked you up and everything changed
It was pain
Sunny days and rain
I knew you’d feel the same things
Everybody knows
It sucks to grow up
And everybody does
It’s so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We’re still fighting it, we’re still fighting it
You’ll try and try and one day you’ll fly
Away from me
Good morning, son
I am a bird
It was pain
Sunny days and rain
I knew you’d feel the same things
Everybody knows
It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It’s so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We’re still fighting it, we’re still fighting it
Oh, we’re still fighting it, we’re still fighting it
And you’re so much like me
I’m sorry.

❤ forever and ever babe.

Count on us for service and savings

Best Supermarket Ever!

So this is just a quick blog stating my everlasting love for the best supermarket in the Michiana area. I LOVE MARTINS.  I am currently obsessed with the side door deli that they have at all of their Mishawaka / South Bend locations.  The deli has a fresh salad bar, with toppings galore, literally everything you can thing of, even beets. Which by the way are great to help prevent heart disease and helps lower cholesterol and even though they look and appear disgusting, are actually pretty good when cooked the right way. Anyways, they have a salad bar, a fresh sandwich selection which can be put into a panini press if wanted along with wraps, daily soups, FRESH SUSHI, chicken, lots of fresh sides, plenty of drinks and a great sitting area with natural light and free WiFi. I AM OBSESSED. It is so nice to go in, say to drop off a prescription, go make yourself a fresh salad, sit down relax and eat a fresh healthy meal for just dollars. I got a huge salad with shrimp on it and a liter of water for just $4.58. The water was almost more than my salad. Couldn’t believe it.  Not only do they have the fantastic side door deli, they have a GREAT selection of certified organic foods, the BEST asian foods section I have seen in markets, and a great section of meatless products.  I can go there for all of my grocery needs.  While I do still go to my favorite little organic store,  The Garden Patch, in Mishawaka for off the wall things and the organic oils I use for my skin, i will say I AM DEVOTED TO MARTINS SUPERMARKET. The prices are great too and everyone is so friendly.  Plus it is only a short bike ride away from my house.

snails see the benefits, the beauty in every inch

forever.

So I have been thinking a lot about you lately. About everything. Things I miss, how you are, what you have been up to, everything. Especially after our late night / early morning conversation this morning. I didn’t think it was humanly possible to miss someone so much. Not necessarily the feelings, just the communication, the having someone there, the bond we had. I just wanted to tell you a few things, which is the purpose of this whole blog. I don’t want you to settle. I want you to do things that are going to make YOU happy.  Don’t settle for anything that isn’t what you want or what you want to do because believe me, you deserve the universe. Being busy shouldn’t run your life. Take time for yourself, your friends, your girlfriend. I  don’t want you to abandon people like you have done in the past. You have changed so much, and so much for the better but there is still one thing you do. You run. When things get tough, complicated, busy, whatever it may be, you run. I know you get scared, but you can’t abandon people.  Soon you’ll be left with no one and I don’t think that would truly make you happy.  Your friends like me, jp, we’ll always be around but even we get sick of being put on a back burner.  I just want you to realize your potential. I miss you so much and with that comes a lot of thinking. I am constantly hoping you’re happy doing what you love to do but i have a feeling, you’re not so happy. I wish you’d talk to me about it.  I miss what we had, more than anything, but I know now more than ever, nothing will ever change that. We are what we are and I am finally okay with what we are.  We may not have much, but we’ll always have the format.

Updates..

It has been awhile since I updated, so I thought I would do that now.  All is well here.  Staying busy working, watching football, enjoying the fall weather in the most beautiful town to enjoy it in, and having fun with the best friends anyone could ask for.  Sometimes a little relaxation is what you need to get your mind off of the things you don’t need.  I feel like I am flushing all of the crap out of my life and starting over with a fresh new body.  Sometimes it’s good it dispose of the garbage in your life, as hard as it may be to let go of all the things you want to save forever.  (I have pack rat syndrome times 20).  But letting go has really helped me.  I am happy and I am enjoying life and having FUN! Notre Dame is 5-2 and only 11 points away from being undefeated. I will take that from the years we’ve had past.  My brother is coming home in about a week and I couldn’t be more excited about that! Ah things are looking up for me and I must say, it is about time. So thank you! I just wanted to let you know, I couldn’t be better.

Something Missing

Have you ever felt as though there was something really missing in your life but couldn’t quite put your finger on what it is? That is how I have been feeling a lot lately.  Just feeling completely unfulfilled after a long busy day.  Am I working too much? Am I not hanging out with my friends enough? Am I missing not being in school? Am I feeling lonely by not having a boyfriend? What is it that is making me feel so empty lately.  I have no clue. But I really want to figure it out.  I don’t like the feeling that is all I know. I feel as though I am a walking zombie, walking through life day to day just kind of dead.  Not really living with any feelings for emotions. The joy of life just hasn’t been here for me in a really long time.

Sure I feel great, I mean I am in the best health of my life.  But that doesn’t make me feel complete. I wonder what’s missing. Perhaps its love.